Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize