your parents love me but you hate me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
