I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
