how hairy? two words: wookie tits
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
