i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
