Non-Jews are for practice
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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