shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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