Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
