once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
