You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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