Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
