only you would photoshop your dick
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
