is this the sara with the beer cane?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
