so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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