PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
