I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
