three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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