I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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