She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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