So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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