The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
