I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize