I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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