It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will pee on everything he values.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
