My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
