This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
