Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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