Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
