pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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