I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
