I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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