sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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