he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I lost the right to judge tonight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
