I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
