Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
