I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
