I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
