Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
