Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize