Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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