So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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