Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
