lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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