"it" just moved
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
