Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
