Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
