You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
