hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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