6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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