he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
