SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
