my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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