I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
