Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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