K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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