Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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