I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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