Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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