Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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