So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
