She announced her abortion via fbk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
