Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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