why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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