Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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