A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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