i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
nutella sex= disaster
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
