I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
