Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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