I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
