he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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