is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
