Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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