Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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