I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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