Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
