They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
pray to the hookup gods
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
