I can tuck mytits in my pants
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
