I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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