I wish i was in the wii world.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize