ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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