Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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