she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize