I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
