Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize