I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
