i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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