So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
