If i come over, it means nothing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
