My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
