you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
