like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
