You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
