so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
