I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
