I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
