Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize