It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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