Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
