the condom got lost in my hair
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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