Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
