Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
