zippers are such a cool invention
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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