I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
