GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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