Kareoke will never be a sober sport
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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